When your dreams haven't come true

I hate wasted potential, that sh*t crushes your spirit. It really does, it crushes your soul — Jerrod Carmichael in Tyler the Creator’s Gone, Gone/Thank You

One of my strongest-held beliefs is you can make things happen in the world. Significant things. Things that change the world and leave a mark on history.

I think about this quote from Steve Jobs often:

When you grow up, you tend to get told that the world is the way it is, and your life is just to live your life inside the world. Try not to bash into the walls too much. Try to have a nice family, have fun, save a little money. That’s a very limited life. Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact: everything around you that you call life was made up by people no smarter than you. And you can change it, you can influence it, you can build your own things that other people can use. Once you learn that, you'll never be the same again.

We all have the capacity to contribute to human progress through the things we dream up and bring to life—startups, technologies, groundbreaking research, art, and other ways of solving the problems we face.

But making things happen is hard

Studying the lives of those who’ve made significant contributions to human progress reveals one thing: it’s never without obstacles.

If you’ve ever tried building anything, you’ve experienced this firsthand. It’s easier in your head—until reality hits.

There’s so much to overcome—the indifference of the world, rejection after rejection, lack of resources, and the self-doubt you feel when nothing seems to be working.

The world is filled with disheartened adults who once held ambition and drive. Repeated failure, over time, erodes that ambition. Eventually, they give up and settle for a life far from what they once hoped to achieve.

How do you avoid ending up there?

I’ve experienced failure many times. When my last startup failed, I told my co-founder I was done. I wouldn’t build anything again. For months, I was depressed, unable to do anything.

Failure makes you question everything—your choices, your abilities, your direction. It shakes your confidence and, if you don’t address it, can lead you to give up entirely.

If you’re feeling stuck—wondering why your efforts haven’t led to the results you want—it’s important to step back, take a moment to evaluate your approach, and think through your next steps.

Before discussing what steps to take, let’s confront an uncomfortable truth: effort doesn’t guarantee success.

Luck matters. Being in the right place at the right time often plays a role in why some people succeed while others don’t. Systemic barriers also exist, and it would be naive to ignore these realities.

But while you can’t control luck or external circumstances, you can control how you approach your goals.

There’s enough within your control to improve your odds of success. Focusing on what you can influence is far more productive than fixating on what you can’t.

Through my own journey, I’ve found three questions that have been helpful when I’ve felt stuck. These are the questions I turn to when I need to evaluate my approach and figure out what adjustments to make.

• Clarity: Am I on the right path?
• Strategy: Am I working strategically?
• Patience: Am I giving time for compounding results?

Clarity

The question of what career path to pursue is a difficult one to answer. Given the non-linear nature of careers today, it’s also one that most people grapple with at various points in their lives. As a result, there’s a mountain of advice on the topic—some of it contradictory.

What I’ve found most useful came from these two pieces of writing.

The first is Paul Graham’s essay How to Do Great Work:

The work you choose needs to have three qualities: it has to be something you have a natural aptitude for, that you have a deep interest in, and that offers scope to do great work.

The second is Hunter S. Thompson’s letter on finding your purpose and living a meaningful life:

In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires…a man must choose a path that lets his abilities function at maximum efficiency toward his desires.

Based on this, I ask these questions to evaluate if I’m on the right path:

• Do I have a natural aptitude for this?
• Am I curious enough about this to put in the time and effort to get great?
• Is this something valuable—i.e. does it solve a hard problem in the world?

Clarity is the foundation that allows everything else to fall into place. If you’re on the wrong path, it doesn’t matter how hard you work, or how patient you’re being, so it’s worth taking the time to think through the answers to these questions.

Strategy

Once you’re sure you’re on the right path, the next question is: are you working strategically?

I used to believe that working extra hard would get me where I needed to be. But hard work alone isn’t enough.

During my last startup, I spent hours in Figma tweaking designs for the MVP. It felt like progress. But that time would have been better spent talking to customers. It’s easy to convince yourself you’re doing the right work when you’re not.

To work strategically, start by tracking real-world results. Identify key metrics that show how your efforts are performing. These give you a clear picture of progress and help you know what’s working and what isn’t.

Next, learn the principles and frameworks used by those who have succeeded in your field. You can find these by talking to mentors, reading relevant books, taking courses, etc. Apply what you learn to your work, and observe how it impacts your metrics.

Adjust your approach based on the real-world feedback you get. The goal is to focus on the few actions that have the biggest impact. Not everything you do will move the needle, so you want to identify the 20% of actions that drive 80% of the results and put your energy there.

Patience

Now that you’re on the right path and you’re working strategically, you need to stay in the game long enough for the results to compound.

Most people quit too soon. It’s hard to keep going when you’re putting in the work and not seeing results. I’ve faced that frustration many times.

For me, the problem is worsened by constantly wanting to chase new ideas. It’s easy to get distracted by what feels exciting and fresh instead of sticking with something long enough to see it through. I’ve dropped projects that could have worked if I had been more patient.

The people who succeed are usually the ones who keep going even when progress feels invisible.

Patience isn’t easy. The urge to quit is normal, especially when the effort doesn’t seem to be paying off. What makes the difference is the ability to stay on track despite that feeling.

When you’re considering giving up, don’t make that decision in isolation. Talk to people you trust—friends, mentors, or peers.

They can help you step back and see things clearly, making sure your choice is based on long-term goals rather than short-term frustrations.

And sometimes, what you need most is a break to recharge before continuing.

In closing

Life is unpredictable, and much is out of your control. But enough is within your control to increase your odds of success.

Take a step back and re-assess: get clear on where you’re going, become deliberate about each step you take, and give it time for results to compound.

The world needs more people who believe in their potential—and who stick with it long enough to make it real.